As a neurodivergent, it is common to learn to mask and mimic the behaviour of others in order to be accepted in society. Since I was a child, I developed this survival mechanism unconsciously to face the challenges of childhood and schooling. As I grew up, my refuge was alcohol, the perfect social mask to conceal all fears of being judged or being suffocated by my mind. However, it wasn't me; I wasn't happy or free.
Strategies such as masking, coping, or camouflage are used to manage social interactions. However, when I stopped drinking, my mechanisms fell apart. Feelings of loneliness, exhaustion, and overwhelm manifested. Shutdown, Meltdown, Burnout began to be my new reality; I couldn't move or speak. I felt trapped mentally and physically; I couldn't see a way out. It was an extremely difficult time; the practice was unimaginable. As a result, I needed to seek help, and I found two sources of support: medical help and the sangha.
Since I got diagnosed, I've been able to understand my mind and behaviour better. But what has been most crucial is connecting with individuals who practice mindfulness and self-knowledge. Having a supportive environment with friends from Plum Village, following Thay's teachings, has been extremely beneficial. This community serves as a reassurance that everything will be alright and helps me to reestablish a connection with my body, providing a sense of grounding.
Being with this group has significantly enhanced my ability to empathize and understand my relationships with others. It has also motivated me to confront and release my personal challenges. Embracing my imperfections and overcoming mental barriers has led me to a deeper self-love and self-acceptance, despite my internal struggles.
Furthermore, the practice of mindfulness with friends from Plum Village has not only deepened my self-awareness but has also enhanced my ability to cultivate compassion and understanding towards others. Through shared experiences and open dialogues within this community, I have learned the value of vulnerability and the strength that comes from embracing one's vulnerabilities. The teachings of Thay have provided a guiding light, helping me navigate through the complexities of my emotions and thoughts with a newfound sense of clarity and peace.
The support and encouragement I receive have been instrumental in my journey towards healing and personal growth. The presence and acceptance of the Sangha have allowed me to let go of self-judgment and criticism, fostering a sense of self-love and acceptance that I had long yearned for. There is a space where authenticity thrives, where we can be our true selves without fear of judgment or rejection, nurturing a sense of belonging and interconnectedness that is truly transformative.
Now, I am close to experiencing joy and freedom.
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